the comic's manuscript, without pictures
The next morning, Adrien lingered under the hot water of the shower for a long time. He half-closed his eyes until all he could see was a blur of mist past his eyelashes, and he breathed in. He focused inwards; all he saw was chaos. Still, he felt compelled to dive in.
He had never been one to know his own emotions, Adrien was well aware. Often, people around him would notice his moods and feelings when he would not; he always seemed to be the last to understand himself - as if he could not see his own feelings until he collided with them. Now he found himself in the wake of an impact that had shaken him to his foundation - and he realized that it had been anything but sudden. He knew it hadn't been the crack by the door - perhaps on that night something had been ignited, but this feeling had been there long before; it had been there in plain sight - unseen to himself, but now so obvious. His days with Val were painted with the color of bliss and euphoria; the sound of his words shone in his mind, and the sight of his smiling eyes lifted his spirit. He had been wishing for this time at his side to last forever; and never before had he stopped to understand this longing - but now he could not deny what this was anymore.
He breathed out. In the course of the last half-year, Val had become an important part of his life - he had become a close friend, and he knew that Val would have said the same about him; he cherished the bond they shared, and wished for it to stay strong and become stronger. He thought he wanted nothing more - but past his eyelids there was the image of a hand being held, and he realized that this, too, was a wish. And Val would have told him not to fear his heart; but what would he have said if he could have seen the image printed within him?
Swirling within himself, light and darkness gave rise to a storm - he found himself within, facing its chaos; and he kept it close - because this storm was the name he had been searching for, the word that gave meaning to his questions, the greatest of treasures that was his to hold and that he would not be hiding from himself anymore.
*****
"Almost done", Val said.
The sun had already set, and the torches on the walls of the alchemy laboratory had been lit. Adrien had spent the entire day working on what would become his first healing potion - the so-called Minor Wound Elixir; and his focus had been unwavering. What he held inside surfaced in his wish to do the best he could - to be at Val's side in his brightest form, to make him proud; to make him happy. He had failed him a lot, he knew that; and so he wanted to understand and do better - he wanted to be someone for which Val would never need to hide himself; and he felt that something within him had started to grow and change.
Adrien spun the valve and turned off the burner's fire. He put on gloves, picked up the potion with tongs, and placed it on a stand on the table, making sure to align it properly according to the instructions of the star chart. After adjusting its position a few times, he delicately let go of the bottle and stepped back.
Val glanced down at the recipe book, his eyes darting across the page. "That looks right", he said. "We'll see how it went tomorrow morning".
"Right", Adrien said. He tossed the gloves aside, washed his hands and face in the stone sink, then plopped himself on a nearby chair. "Wow", he wheezed, "that was a lot of work... And you said this was the simplest one to brew, and it took the whole day! What about the harder ones? Do they take weeks?".
"Or longer", Val replied. "I am aware of a few that are brewed over several months".
"Months!", Adrien chuckled in disbelief. "Wow! We -- we're not doing anything like that, right?".
"Oh, no -- that is well beyond the scope of a Novice-level course", Val smiled. "We'll only be doing this one and the Minor Ailment Elixir. They'll be more than enough for now". He closed the recipe book and set it on the table. "Speaking of which, you must be very hungry... What would you like for dinner?".
Adrien followed Val to the door. "Something warm and filling... maybe meat... or bread...".
"What about meatloaf?", Val suggested with a silly smirk.
Adrien giggled. "That would be perfect".
Downstairs, Adrien settled into the comfortable armchair that marked his usual seat at the dinner table. He requested a particularly big portion of meatloaf; tired and ravenous as he was, he lacked the shame and restraint that would have normally kept him from tearing through his portion before Val could even get started with his. As he asked for seconds, Val was still only occasionally pecking at his much smaller helping. Had it been someone else eating so little, Adrien would have worried for their health; but this was usual for Val, who never seemed to eat much and never seemed adversely affected by how little he ate. In that moment, it dawned on Adrien. "...It's because you feed upon human energy, so you don't actually need to eat food", he blurted out. "That's why you never seem hungry".
"That is correct", Val said. "Is it too noticeable?".
"Ah -- not at all -- I mean, not everyone eats like a pig, like me", Adrien chuckled awkwardly, and put down his fork. "I thought you were just -- well -- just, not a big eater".
Val smiled. "I cannot eat too much, as it expends my energy rather than replenish it. I only eat or drink for the flavor. And, of course, to pretend to be human".
Adrien paused. What was such a simple act for himself was another of the thousands of knives that Val had to keep lodged in his chest. He felt some of the pain, as well. "If it's for that reason, you don't need to pretend anymore", he said. "Not around me".
The shimmer of the fireplace lit and concealed the strange smile on Val's face. "Thank you", he whispered. "But it's alright. When I accepted your apprenticeship, I despised the thought of needing this disguise... but over time, I've grown to appreciate these times when we eat together. It is as if time is marked and decorated by these moments... honored, rather than interrupted. I've found myself looking forward to sharing meals with you. It used to be a lie, but it has now become a truth. Now, I would never want to lose it".
Adrien smiled quietly to himself, and he had to lower his gaze in front of such warm kindness. He couldn't find it in himself to say it, and he couldn't grasp for words as beautiful, but he was just as glad for what they shared, and he too loved these moments; and all moments, as long as he was at Val's side.
After that, neither spoke for a while. Val stared intently at the dancing flames of the fireplace while drinking wine; and his own blue light seemed to flow at the same pace. "About our next lessons", he started, "I was thinking that, regardless of what the tester will say tomorrow, you will have to practice brewing the same healing potion again and then again before we can move on to the next subject. I don't want you to grow bored of it, though... which is why I was thinking that it would be good to supplement your alchemy training with a few outdoors astronomy lessons. We could go on the terrace of the north tower".
"Oh -- that sounds wonderful", Adrien smiled.
"Of course, our schedule would have to accommodate that. These lessons would have to take place in the evening, after dinner".
Adrien paused. "After dinner?", he repeated. His cheeks flushed as he remembered what Val most usually did at about that time. "Are you -- are you sure about that? Don't you have to -- to...".
"...Don't worry. I don't have to be summoned every single night, if that's what you're asking", Val whispered, and a wave of light rippled over his hands. "I will plan in advance to allow for these lessons".
"Only if that's not too much trouble", Adrien firmly said.
"It isn't", Val smiled. "I already have a telescope that sees far too little use for how nice it is. And the view... Oh, I am sure you will love it".
*****
Their first astronomy lesson had been arranged for two evenings later, after dinner. They returned to the alchemy laboratory and unlocked the trapdoor that was on the ceiling; they climbed up the ladder and reached the terrace underneath the roof of the north tower. Adrien advanced towards the stone parapet so he could see the stars, but Val stopped him; "No, don't look at the view yet", he said as he locked the trapdoor. "Let me show you something".
He spun a spell of blue light with one hand, and he cast it upwards. The roof above them shimmered for a moment, then sparkled away, disappearing completely.
Before Adrien's eyes, the night sky revealed itself in all of its beauty. Thousands of stars trembled in the cold air, filling his field of vision - the vastness was such that it escaped his comprehension; he felt as if his eyes could not possibly be enough to truly see. Below the vault of the sky, the high plains were shrouded in darkness - Falderdeen appeared as a handful of shimmering dots on top of a hill, and the other villages as pinpricks of light far away in the distance; the rest was night and stars. Adrien had to sit down, having become too small to stand. He found no words that meant more than silence. Val came to sit by his side and watch the sky with him. Minutes slowed down to a crawl. Adrien wished for that perfect moment to last forever - with a might he'd thought impossible. Then a gust of wind made him shudder visibly and gracelessly. The moment had ended.
"We better move on to the lesson", Val said, and he stood up. "Can you find Ursa Major?".
Although it looked a bit different than he had expected because of how many more stars he could see around it, Adrien could immediately find it and point at it. "There".
"Good", Val said. "What do you know about it?".
"About it?", Adrien repeated. "Well... Well, it's the bigger of the two bears -- or wagons, whichever. If you look at the tail, there's the whole trick to find the North Star".
"Right", Val nodded. "Are you aware of its symbolic meanings?".
"No, tell me".
"As a wagon, it represents journeying and opportunity... and also patient effort. As a bear, it holds powers of protection, strength, and so on".
"I see", Adrien said. "You know... I always thought it was weird how people saw a bear in it, since --".
"-- Bears don't have long tails", Val chuckled - he'd spoken exactly the same words as Adrien. "I know".
Adrien laughed. "Right! I get where the cart comes from, but... As a child, I thought it looked most like a large frying pan".
"Oh, yes -- in that case, it becomes a vessel associated with the energies of water and fire".
"Really!", Adrien chuckled. "But how can it be all of these things, and have all of these different powers?".
Val needed a few seconds before replying. "The constellations are symbols. The power of symbols comes from what they are believed to represent. In this case, the stars themselves... People have decided their names, and have decided that Alkaid is the tail of the bear, and Merak the loins... Yet, those are not their true names. What the stars call themselves, we do not know". Val paused; Adrien lowered his head in response to the weight of Val's words. "Yet, symbols do carry meaning", Val continued. "To you, Alkaid can be the tail of the bear - or the handle of the pan; all that it represents lives within you, and that is the power which you can harness".
Adrien nodded slowly. "I hope I understand", he honestly replied.
Val smiled. He folded his arms. "Let's move on. What do you know about Ursa Minor?".
Adrien swallowed. "Ursa Minor... Well, it's the other bear, so same as before... And it has the North Star, Polaris. Which is actually a star system".
"Correct", Val said. "Ursa Minor is often seen as the cub of the greater bear, and as such it can carry the symbolism of that which is being protected".
"What if you see it as a wagon?".
"In that case, it is seen as the follower of the greater wagon".
Adrien chuckled to himself. "And what if you see it as a small frying pan?".
Val giggled. "Then it becomes a symbol of a light dinner".
Adrien's laugh, almost too loud for a moment, fled away with the wind. "...Really?".
"Yes, really", Val said. "It can be seen as a symbol of something lesser and minor".
"So, you're telling me that I should invoke the almighty power of the stars... to fry sardines?", Adrien said with a grin.
Val let out an exaggerated sigh. "I'm not saying that you should... but you could. Ursa Minor is the smaller of the two bears, yet it is the one which contains the North Star; as such, many of its interpretations share the symbolism of something lesser and minor that turns out to be of critical importance. It can represent the unexpected turn - the great opportunity rising from the least likely of places. From this, I would guess that borrowing Ursa Minor's power to fry sardines... might result in a surprisingly great meal", he admitted.
Adrien let out a bubbly laugh. He then turned to Val. "This is all fun, but -- it's only about the symbolism, isn't it? Are we not going to go into the physical properties of the stars, and --".
"Don't worry", Val reassured him. "We will".
"Oh, good", Adrien replied. "I thought we were studying astronomy, and this was starting to sound too much like astrology...".
"...and you don't like astrology", Val continued, and Adrien thought he could hear a smirk in his voice. "Well, of course not... You're an Aries".
Adrien scowled. "Hey!".
*****
By the end of March, the long winter of the high plains was coming to an end. Flowers of all colors came to dot the landscape, and Adrien no longer needed to sleep underneath a heavy blanket. His studies had been progressing at a steady pace; he spent his days brewing healing potions in the alchemy laboratory, and, in the evenings when the weather would allow it, he would follow Val to the top of the tower for his astronomy lessons.
That day, Adrien brewed one bottle of the Minor Ailment Elixir. Adrien had noticed that, all throughout the day, Val had been strangely listless and off in his own thoughts; he had prodded him a little about it, but Val would insist that it was nothing he should worry about. Adrien chose to believe him, and so gave him space.
It was while they were watching the stars that Val finally spoke. "I wonder if the stars are kin", he whispered. "They, too, are covered in so much light, and keep so little of it".
Adrien held his breath and said nothing. Val lowered his head and touched his covered hands.
"When I am called, I become what it is asked of me - and no further. I become the demon that others have decided to meet. I am created within the act of summoning, and I only exist until satisfaction is reached. It's the part I must play to be recognized as myself. I become a fragment small enough that others may hold it... so they can think that there is nothing more to understand".
The image of that demon arching his back over the magic circle had been haunting Adrien ever since that fateful night. It had become a precious obsession - a stolen treasure that gleamed with guilt, and that compelled him towards the abyss of its secrets. He had wished for that demon's embrace; and yet, that demon was only a shard of a picture, an incomplete stranger wearing Val's skin. And as he held onto this fragment, Val had been at his side, Val who guided him and cared for him, Val with the kind eyes, a soft voice, and a gentle laugh - Val, who stood at his side hiding his nature and holding heavy tears. It was in that moment that Adrien fully realized that his wishes had changed. If he could summon Val, now he would ask nothing of him; only to hold him until he regained his light.
From a crack within him that he did not know was there, something poured out. He felt it honestly and plainly.
"Val...".
They parted ways for that evening, and each returned to his room. As he waited for sleep, Adrien lay with his back against the bed - the moonlight filtering through, casting the shadow of the windowframe against the wall. His mind had been knotted with thoughts only a little before; now, the chaos had morphed into a strange silence.
He closed his eyes, and saw Val's again.
"In another place, in another time", Adrien whispered against his lips, "I would have told you... I would have told you that I love you".