the comic's manuscript, without pictures
"Alright, we're almost done", Adrien said with a nod.
The enchanted utensils of Val's kitchen cheered - as they bounced on the counters, a chorus of clattering metal filled the large room. A few days after his birthday, Adrien had decided to teach the kitchen how to prepare a Sachertorte; he had been surveying the work of the enchanted kitchenware and answering their many questions about why would a certain ingredient go before the other and so on - this process, Val had explained, would let them make sure that they had properly understood the instructions. While Adrien taught the recipe to the kitchen, Val had been taking notes in his journal - he would then use the data collected during this session to revise and improve the enchantment.
"What now, what now?", the spoon chirped, banging against one of the plates.
"Now that the cake has been baked and the glaze has been prepared", Adrien said, "we need to put everything together. So... Now, we take the cake and cut it in three discs, so that we can put the apricot jam in between".
A murmur snaked through the kitchenware. "Three discs? How can that be? The cake is already round", the spoon said.
Val giggled; he lifted his fountain pen from the paper of his journal. "I think you need to show them", he said.
Adrien chuckled to himself. "Yeah...". He picked up a knife, then set one hand on top of the cake; he gestured with the knife at the side of the cake, mimicking the circular motion required to cut it. "See? If you cut it twice, you get three discs".
There was a moment of silence. "Ooooooh!", the kitchenware then exclaimed. "We understand!".
Adrien stepped aside so that the knife could cut the cake as instructed. "That's nice", he commented as he surveyed its work. "That's the hardest part, for me...".
"I can imagine", Val said, looking up from his journal.
"You've never tried making this kind of cake?".
"No", Val said. "I have made layered cakes, but never by cutting them. I would bake each layer separately, then put them together".
"But then you end up with so much cake!", Adrien said, wide-eyed.
Val's mouth opened in a wide smile. "And where is the problem with that?".
Adrien burst into laughter. "Well, I suppose that, with the time-slowing enchantment in the pantry, you don't really have to worry about stuff going bad, so you can make a lot of cake and eat it whenever you feel like it, right?".
"Right. That's part of why I started this project in the first place", Val replied. "I must buy groceries from Falderdeen sometimes, or people may grow suspicious... but I became tired of spending several hours each week going up and down the hill to buy ingredients that would rot before I had time to prepare anything with them. So I started by enchanting the pantry... then I thought to retool my thesis about the talking teapot... and here we are".
The knife banged against the counter to demand attention. "What now, what now?".
Adrien chuckled; he turned to the kitchenware again. "Now", he said, "we need to fill the cake. With a spatula, you go between each of these discs, and put apricot jam; then you put the cake back together".
"How do we go between the discs?", the spatula said.
Adrien turned to Val. "Uh... How can they lift each layer?".
Val needed a moment to collect his words. "Two spatulas need to lift two of the layers, revealing the third... The surface of the third layer is then covered in apricot jam. When that is done, one of the remaining layers is put on top of the jam, and you put jam on top of that... then, you cover with the last layer", he then said, writing down his words as he spoke.
"Okay!", the kitchenware replied, and scurried over to do as Val had instructed them - Adrien smiled as he watched the spatula slather the jam on the cake. "You're doing very well", he said. "We're almost done. Next, we only need to glaze it".
"Yay!", the kitchenware replied in a cheerful chorus.
"To do that, you just... pour the glazing over the cake", Adrien said. "The spatula can go over the cake to make the glazing all even. Oh, and don't forget to glaze the sides, too".
"Okay!", the spatula said with a little bounce, and went to do as requested. Adrien nodded in approval; then he turned to Val, who had been fervently scribbling something in his journal - at one point, he stopped and brought the cap of the pen to his mouth. "There's a hole in my logic", he muttered. "The current solution for handling the layers is suboptimal... I will need to rethink a few things".
"It seems to be working for now - the cake is coming out just fine", Adrien smiled, watching as the glazing was carefully being poured onto the cake.
Val smiled. "That is because of your instructions", he said. "You are a good cook, and you are good at imparting your knowledge. I'm not expecting every user to be as good at explaining as you are".
Adrien chuckled; he felt his cheeks turn bright red. "Wow, that's -- well -- thank you...".
When they were done cooking, Val and Adrien thanked the kitchen and said goodbye; they brought the cake upstairs and enjoyed some. Adrien spent the rest of the day enchanting scrolls; Val sat by the fire reading a book. To an outside observer, their day would have seemed one of gentle bliss, one that would fade into quiet sleep; and yet, when the evening was over and Adrien returned to his room, he felt anything but calm. The sound of Val's soft laughter kept haunting him; the joy they had lived together stoked his wishes once again.
In the darkness, Adrien went to stand by the window - he pressed himself against the windowsill, next to the rain. He was choking. He didn't want to be consumed by his feelings, but he could do nothing against them. Every time he tried to crush his own heart, it would flee from his grasp to scorch his interior, unrestrained, leaving him powerless against himself.
He closed his eyes. Printed within his eyelids, he saw Val's enchanting gaze staring back at him - and he shuddered. He ran one hand across his own bare chest - in his mind, his fingers became Val's. If only, he wished, if only he could be there, holding him - even only once; even only once. He could not deny how much he wanted him, how much he wished to know his embrace. His hands moved downwards; he undid the buttons on his pants. Right about then, Adrien thought, Val's image was being wished into existence by a summoner. He, however, did not wish for Val's image - he wished for Val. Adrien dropped his pants to the floor, then lowered his underpants to stroke himself. If he had been the one to summon Val, he would have only wished for his happiness. Words would not speak of love, but, in silence, he would offer himself to Val. Adrien bent forwards further as he imagined Val's body, warm against his back; he thought of Val's fingers grasping his buttcheeks, opening him - and then sliding inside. Adrien's vision flickered as his arousal grew; there was now a quiver in his breathing - he imagined Val's moaning as he pushed within him, his hands as they held his body, and he reached his orgasm.
Adrien breathed heavy. Outside, the trees were shaking under the pouring rain. He waited for the throbbing of his body to die down; then he took in a deep breath and straightened his back. He cleaned after himself, then stepped up the staircase that led to the bathroom to wash his hands. His reflection in the mirror looked back at him, his hair disheveled, his expression somber. He averted his gaze.
The next morning, in the softness of waking thought, he imagined Val lying on the bedsheets next to him. Adrien moved his head where he wished for Val's arms to embrace him. In his fantasy, this was a morning like any other, a moment of usual affection, only one thread of many, each part of a life spent at each other's side. Imagining to be holding Val's hand, Adrien held his right hand in his left hand and run his thumb over his fingers.
"Val", Adrien whispered to his pillow, "you are... the most wonderful person I've ever met. You deserve to be happy... I hope you will be, no matter where I go".
He took in a shuddering breath. He felt as if something was tugging at his insides, trying to drag them downwards and into the abyss.
He couldn't live this way. He needed to put a stop to this. He could not heal with the image of Val's naked body hiding in wait behind his closed eyelids. He could not heal with the contour of his imagined hands caressing him in half-sleep. He needed an end - he needed closure. He did not want to have to think of this anymore.
*****
As much as he wished otherwise, Adrien's days at the tower kept passing him by.
On that day of late April, it was sunny and warm; the cherry trees around Val's tower were all in full bloom, painting the hill pale pink with petals. Adrien was sleepier than usual as he ate his breakfast - on the previous evening, he and Val had been outside studying the night sky until very late; and although Val had reassured him that he could sleep as long as he wanted, he'd woken up on his own at six in the morning - tired, but unable to go back to sleep. He accepted Val's offer of a cup of coffee and tried his best to be there.
When Adrien finished his cup of coffee, he leaned back into his seat and grunted as he stretched his back. "So", he said, his voice still a bit stirred, "what are we doing today?".
Val lowered his head. A few seconds passed before he could answer. "Today", Val said, "I would like to talk with you... about something... something different and important". The deep neckline of his robe revealed an odd pulse in the blue markings on his chest. "When your apprenticeship ends", Val then said - and just hearing those words made Adrien's heart sink a little - "when your apprenticeship ends... you will return to Ordly, and I will stay here. We may exchange letters, which will take weeks to arrive... but... I would want to talk with you again -- to see you again. This would be difficult, but... There is a way for us to more easily meet again, although it is... I have thought about this for a long time, but I believe I can tell you. I can... I can tell you how to summon me".
Nothing could have prepared Adrien for these words. "To summon you...", he repeated. "You... you want me to know this?".
"I do", Val replied.
Adrien lowered his head. The prospect of being able to see Val again after returning home seemed wonderful, so wonderful - but he couldn't help but feel afraid of what a demon summoning would entail. Worry rushed through his mind. How would he manage to keep it a secret from his mom? Would he even have enough space to draw the spell? "Even if you tell me, I don't know if I can do it...".
"Adrien, please - at least let me teach you how", Val said as he searched for something hidden within the sash of his robe - the pleading note in his voice made Adrien's throat tighten up. "You don't have to ever do this. But -- please, Adrien... I want you to know".
Adrien swallowed. "Alright... Tell me".
The object that Val had been looking for was a sheet of paper folded in half. He handed it to Adrien, who opened it.
The page bore a pen drawing of an intricate, gorgeous, terrifying magic circle. It was made out of two circles, one larger and one smaller, connected to each other by a straight line; the smaller circle was plain and unadorned, and the larger one was anything but - within it, six circles and six triangles forming the symbols for the elements were arranged in a six-pointed star around a seventh circle, which had a dot in the middle. The inner border of the larger circle was inscribed with the incantation:
I beseech you, demon
I am here, demon
come to me, being of spirit
come to stand upon this circle
to you I offer all I have
to your void I am now bound
Adrien stared at the paper in awe - and he shuddered. "This... this is a summoning circle?...".
"Yes", Val replied with a nod, looking down at him from where he was standing. "Once you draw this symbol, you must give an offering. Commonly, that offering is a drop of blood".
Adrien looked up at Val. "Blood?...", he repeated, his heart beating fast.
"I know it is not easy, but that is the way it is", Val said - his voice was soft, a little more than a whisper, but there was a sense of urgency in his words. "The blood can be drawn from anywhere, as long as it is from the summoner. It can be done by pricking one finger with something sharp. You must place the blood in the center of the larger circle, on top of the Eye; when you do so, the circle will start glowing... After that, you will need to stay within the smaller circle", he then said, running one finger on the line that was on the paper. "There, you must recite the incantation that you see around the circle. You must then end it with: 'come to me, demon'".
Adrien tried to mask the chaos that he was feeling; but a shudder ran through his spine, revealing it all. "Come to me...", he repeated under his breath.
"Yes. 'Come to me, demon'. Remember this by heart - I cannot write these words". Val paused. "If you want to call for a particular demon, however, you must know... you must know their true name. I am sure you have heard of this concept before... A demon's name is a word of power, itself holding the essence of a demon. A summoner cannot choose who will be summoned, unless they know their name. And my name is...".
"-- don't say it!", Adrien gasped, covering his ears with his hands. "You won't say it! You don't need to do this -- you don't need to risk this -- this is too much -- don't tell me --".
"...Adrien, you already know my true name", were the words on Val's lips. "I told you to please not call me Valerion... I wished you to call me by my true name. My true name is Val".
Adrien slid his hands off his ears. He felt as if his insides were tied in knots. "...What...? How? You...". He gasped for air. "You... You told me?". He remembered - he remembered it well: it had been on the day when they went for a walk in the forest, the first time he'd left the tower since his arrival - he was walking at his side, and, at one point, he was asked - "By the way, Adrien, may I ask you to call me Val? I'd much prefer it". At the time, Adrien had assumed that he preferred to be called by an informal nickname. "It simply does not feel right", Val had said. Tears streamed down from Adrien's eyes. "Why did you tell me?", he whimpered, barely choking down his tears. "That's...".
"I could not bear", Val said - his voice only slightly broken, but the light on his hands glowing in a feverish pulse. "I could not bear... to hear you call me by the name which is not mine. When I first agreed to this apprenticeship, I thought I could... I thought you never needed to know. I was wrong".
"But that -- but that -- that --". Adrien swallowed and gasped for air; he felt his hands becoming cold with sweat. "Val, why --".
"-- I know, don't tell me", Val said, his voice broken. He stepped away from the table and turned away from Adrien; he let out a small, trembling sob. "I am well aware that it was reckless of me... You could have used my name against me", he said. "You could have bound me, and you could have destroyed my life, had you wished so... I know". He turned around; his eyes were wet with tears. "But I could not bear".
Adrien stood up; he felt the greatest longing to hold Val tight - to comfort him and take care of him, to let him cry onto his shoulder; and, for the first time, he felt that he was able to give him happiness, that he could give him the kind of love he deserved in his life. This was the shape of the trust that bound them; Val was willing to give him the dagger with which to slay him - trusting that he would not use it; trusting him so - and Adrien took his words with both hands, swore into his heart that he would hold his name as a treasure - that he would be deserving of such a gift. The wish was now screaming inside him - that he could be at his side to protect him always. For him, he wanted nothing but the best - nothing but the greatest happiness. He wished he could be the one to bring it to him; and perhaps he already was - perhaps he already was, after all; he knew that Val was glad to be at his side - he knew he cherished he bond they had. But Adrien's wish was for their bond to take a different shape - one which it could not, could never take; and he would not dare to let him know. In his mind, nothing good could come out of letting him know - it would only ruin everything; he imagined Val nodding and telling him that he could not reciprocate - he was immortal, eternal; too divine for such a mundane wish. And then he imagined their last few months spent in awkwardness and regret, their bond broken forever... Adrien knew all of this, and yet his wish would not die - he hated himself for not being satisfied with what they already shared. What was his pathetic fantasy worth against the strength their bond already had? Was it not already love that bound them? Why did it matter so much if this love came in a different aspect than the one he wished for? But, as much as he loathed to admit it to himself, it did matter to him. He could not lie to his own wishes.
Val took in a deep breath. His tears had disappeared from his face, but his eyes were still red. Adrien lowered his head. How could he conceal this wish from him, while Val had just opened his heart, unafraid of the harm which he could so easily bring? The gift he had just received, he felt that he did not deserve it.
Adrien breathed in. He wiped his tears away from his face. "Thank you... thank you for letting me know", he said. Where his senses had been heightened with anxiety before, there was now a sort of dull ache coursing through his being. His eyes landed on the paper on the table. "I hope I am understanding all of this right", he said. "So, if I summon you, I should say...".
Val took in a deep breath. "Instead of 'come to me, demon', you would say: 'come to me, Val, demon'. For this to work, you will have to summon me during my Hour, which is between nine and ten in the evening - it is the time when I open the portal and wait to be summoned. If you do so during this time, I will appear".
There were a few seconds of silence. "Alright", Adrien then said. "If... if I can, I will do this".
*****
Although Adrien had felt tired and drained for the whole day, by when he got up to his bedroom, he found himself restless. He picked up the viper staff and drew a circle around himself like he used to do when he was learning abstract defense magic, but nothing happened; what spell could bring order to all this chaos? Defeated, he threw himself on his bed. He gazed at the darkness above. A few more months, and this would not be his room anymore. He covered his face with his hands; tears streamed down his cheeks, again. He did not want to leave. He did not want to leave Val.
He couldn't stop this time from ending, and he couldn't stop himself from loving Val. He couldn't do anything.
Adrien breathed sharply - and there was a shiver to his breathing. The last time he'd felt that way... It had been with Giulio.
He had tried not to think about him - but, now, everything was spilling out; just one more thing that he couldn't control, he told himself with a bitter smile. He clawed his cheeks. He decided to allow himself to wander towards his memories - his cherished, painful memories of love that had slipped through his fingers.
Adrien had met Giulio three summers before, at the birthday party of a friend. He was 21, and Giulio 22. At the time, Giulio was working in a post office - unhappily, because what he truly wanted to do was to study ancient history; this was the great passion of his life, and there was nothing that he wanted more than to pursue it. His greatest wish was to become a scholar and a researcher; to do so, however, he needed to be accepted to an university - and all of his applications had been declined, so far. Adrien well understood his pain; because, although he wasn't displeased with the job he had as a waiter, he certainly would have preferred to continue studying mechanical engineering - but, as he had dropped out the year before, those days were already over for him. And so, on that night in which they met, Giulio and Adrien didn't join their friends in dance. Instead, they sat together on the shore, away from everyone else; and between the flashing lights of the party and the ceiling of that starless night, each shared his story with the other.
It had never been in Adrien's character to form bonds quickly, but that night something had been opened and unleashed - all had been exposed and offered without reserve, in exchange for the same. They spoke until their voices became hoarse and their throats full with tears as each revealed the burdens of his failures. They were still there when the sun began to rise; the party had well past ended, and the time had come to leave. Adrien walked back towards his home at five in the morning - alone, with a great chaos in his mind; but with a strange sense of peace in his heart. He opened the door to his home and quietly found his way to his bedroom, trying not to wake up his mother.
As he rested his head on the pillow, one thought made him smile: he and Giulio had set up to meet again.
One month after that, they shared their first kiss.
One Wednesday morning that they both had off from work, they visited the museum where Adrien's mother worked as a guard. They all returned to Adrien's home for lunch; then, when his mother left to go back to work, Giulio and Adrien stayed home together. Their morning date had been a bit strained by the presence of Adrien's mother - inebriated with love as they were, they had struggled to control themselves; now that they were alone, they could finally let go. Adrien recalled the pulled blinds of his living room letting in slivers of a bright sunny day - he recalled Giulio taking off his shirt and falling into his arms. He recalled the scent of his skin, and the kisses they had shared. He recalled when they took off their pants, and what happened afterwards.
A few days after, Giulio visited Adrien's house again. It was a warm October afternoon. Adrien ran to the door and found him standing there with a strange smile on his face - a smile that was put there to hide something, Adrien could already tell. They went to the nearby park to talk.
"I have been admitted to the university of Mindeve on a scholarship", Giulio had said.
Adrien hugged him and gave him his congratulations, giddy with happiness for him; then, he realized what was behind his smile.
"The lessons will start in two weeks".
Mindeve was a world away from Ordly; even by train, it took five whole days to get there. There was no way that Giulio would be going back and forth. Adrien understood what this meant.
Giulio's eyes turned wet with tears. "Adrien, I... I don't want to leave you behind... What should I do?".
"You should go", Adrien said, smiling the best he could. "You have been wanting to do this so much, and now you will be able to".
"Yes, but...".
Adrien looked down to his feet. "I know", he said. "I know. But this is how it is. I am very happy for you...".
Gasping between his tears, Giulio clasped on Adrien's hands. "-- I -- I don't have to accept the scholarship -- if I stay, then we can --".
"-- Please, don't", Adrien shook his head. "We've only been together for a few weeks, and this has been your dream for much longer. You will regret it forever if you don't go, right...?".
Giulio closed his eyes, defeated. "...Right, I would", he said. "I wish that I had met you sooner".
"Me too", Adrien whispered.
Giulio leaned forwards - and Adrien embraced him; they both broke into sobs. With eyes full of tears, Giulio looked up at him: "Adrien", he said, "I want one last kiss...".
Adrien cried again for this love that had died stillborn. He cried for Giulio, and he cried for Val; he cried until his eyes were red, and his throat hurt. Outside of their control, everything had to end. And now, it was happening again. When he thought about Giulio, his only respite from despair was in the fact that they had shared some time together, that they had known each other's love. At least, he could cherish the memory as one of his greatest treasures; one that came with so much pain - but a treasure nonetheless.
His mind went again to Val. He, too, knew that their time was ending... He, too, knew that it would all be over soon. That was why he had taught him how to summon him. He, too, hoped they could meet again; and, Adrien realized - he, too, couldn't bear the thought that their friendship was bound to cool off to a letter every once in a while. They had shared so much, and, now, they were about to part ways. And in spite of Val's desperate attempt, Adrien couldn't imagine how he would actually be able to summon him - not from within his house, living with his mother.
How could he go home and allow Val to become just another memory of a better time - just another unlived life? He wouldn't allow things to end like that with Val. He knew that they couldn't be together as he wished; but then, at least - at least, he wished to know his embrace - if only once - if only once, to go home with no regrets; with the pain of things that could have never been, yes - but not with the pain of what could have.
As sleep came to cloud his mind, one thought began to take form: if he asked him... if he asked for one night with him, as a demon - offering his body as his feast...