the comic's manuscript, without pictures
Adrien opened his eyes. The ceiling looked the same as always. The blue light of the morning traced a sea of shadows between the folds and the creases of his covers. He breathed in the cold air; something tasted different at the bottom of his throat. Something felt different about the way he inhabited his own skin. Something was coming into focus, rising into his consciousness.
He lay still as fragments fell into his hands - the circle, the blood, the pain, the tears, the revelation - a nameless feeling, a release. Then the buttons undone, the smoothness of Val's skin, the presence of his body next to him, his light, his fingertips - his scent, still on his hands; and above all, his joy, written in his eyes and in his smile. He tried to recall Val's voice: "I love you", he had said. Adrien placed the words on his own lips. "I love you", he repeated.
Tears flowed down his face once again. Adrien outstretched his arms towards the ceiling and ran his hands to enclose the space where Val's body had been - a caress not of imagination but of memory. He cried loud, he cried with all of his strength - he cried in joy and release; and within each breath that he could seize through his sobbing, Val's name found its way - he held it against his lips as if to keep it warm, as if it might just fly away if he let it go any further.
He sat up at the edge of the bed. Dawn was coming through streaks of pink sky. Adrien washed and dressed himself; without gloom, without pain. Even within his great longing, all was calm; in this new silence, something was spreading its wings and roots.
Downstairs, Val will be there, Adrien thought - there, waiting - waiting for him.
He closed the door to his room and headed downstairs - his heart beating fast, so fast, as if it wanted to fly from his body. Val was waiting just one staircase away - just a few more steps divided them now; and his feet found their way - walking at first, then breaking into a run, running down the stairs as fast as he could, gasping, something overflowing within, spilling out with each step, leaving a trail of chaos behind - a disaster that he cherished, and that Val loved.
He opened the door.
Val had been pacing around the hall; when the door opened, he turned to Adrien - with his black eyes full of stars, holding their light on his lips.
Adrien ran towards Val, found his arms open, and they embraced again. Each rested his head onto the other's shoulder, a circle unfolding from their arms to protect them both. Adrien closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against Val's shoulder, as if to make sure that he hadn't somehow lapsed into a wishful dream on his way downstairs; and a smile spread wider on his mouth as Val's robes wrinkled against his face - as he was reunited with all that Val was, that Val was to him. Val pulled him closer yet - he held him tighter against his chest so they could share every breath, so their hearts could almost touch.
They held each other as they thought they never could, standing between a beam of sunlight and the fading darkness as this strange morning took over their hearts.
They walked to the table and took their places at the armchairs, just like any other morning. "What would you like for breakfast today?", Val asked.
Adrien smiled as he leaned back in his seat. "I don't know. What should I have?".
"May I suggest scrambled eggs and ham?", Val said.
"Oh -- that would be perfect", Adrien said.
With a flick of his fingers, Val set the table - a pitcher of water in the middle, and two plates of scrambled eggs and ham at each end of the table - a big portion for Adrien, and a small one for Val. Adrien picked up the fork, murmured a "thank you", then started eating.
The clinking of the silverware against the plates seemed louder than usual that morning. From time to time, Adrien would lift his eyes from the plate to glance at Val; and Val would look back at him and smile - but then, each would lower his gaze and awkwardly resume picking at their breakfast, still unable to find words. This did not upset Adrien as he thought it would. At that time, words were far too small for what they wanted to tell each other; their shared silence spoke in the language of joy and longing. When Adrien peeked up to look at Val, everything returned to him again - the fingers that he had held, the lips that he had kissed; and he wondered if the same was printed in mirror language within Val's heart as well.
Adrien set down his fork on the empty plate. "The eggs were -- really good", he finally decided to say. "As always. Thank you for the suggestion".
Val smiled. "Do you need anything else?".
"Maybe...?".
"Would you like some bread and apricot jam?".
"Ah -- yeah, that would be good".
Val moved his fingers and magicked up everything needed for Adrien to continue his breakfast. On his side, he cleared his empty plate and replaced it with a cup of coffee and three biscuits; he took a sip of water before dunking his first biscuit into the coffee.
"I didn't know how hungry I was", Adrien commented as he slathered a slice of bread in jam.
At the other side of the table, Val chuckled softly to himself; his smile took a strange note - impish, yet somewhat flustered. "Ah... that is... that is just natural", he chuckled. He looked down at his plate, then off the side. "...Ah... Because of the passage of energy, you need to... replenish yourself".
"...What are we talking about now?", Adrien puzzled.
Val touched the bangs on his forehead. "We are talking about yesterday", he said, his voice small. "...As your pleasure turned into my energy. The process... tends to leave a human somewhat drained".
Adrien's eyes widened; a rush ran through his chest and ears - his cheeks turned bright red. Now that Val was saying it, he did remember the scent of sublimating magic while he... "Oh", he could only say.
"So eat well... Ah...". Val covered his face in flusterment; and seeing Val in this new way made Adrien only love him more.
Val cleared his throat to calm himself. "...Adrien, I... I still can barely believe what happened. When I woke up this morning, I almost thought it had been a dream... Now I'm slightly more convinced, but -- just slightly", he chuckled.
Adrien smiled. "You're awake", he said. "Unless we're both dreaming".
Val dunked a biscuit in the coffee and took a bite out of it. "Just as long as we are dreaming together", he then said with a smile.
Val put his cup down and sighed of pleasure; and what that sigh had come to mean gave Adrien a shiver of his own. What joy they were sharing; and what chaos. Until the day before, Adrien had only been aware of his own turmoil, but now he knew that Val had felt just the same, that he had gone through an agony of his own, each pain unspoken between them. How had it been for him, Adrien wondered, what sort of heartache had he been hiding in each of his kind smiles; had he also concealed himself within his bedroom to cry for the things he had thought could never live? Had he also wrapped himself in despair as he wished for the death of his love? Adrien looked at Val again, within those gentle eyes, wishing to understand what had been rippling through him, to know all he had longed for, to turn it into joy to share now that they had found each other; and if wishing had a blade, he would have carved him open already - and he had to take care to stay his hand. This was a fragile thing they were holding - a single thread spun between their fingers; a wet butterfly spreading its new wings, still recognizing the darkness of the cocoon as a part of itself.
Val put down his empty cup of coffee and took in a deep breath. "What would you like to do today?".
Adrien leaned back in his chair. "I... I really don't know".
Val nodded in understanding. "Perhaps we should start with a meditation session, and then see".
*****
That day, the silence of the practice tower pressed against Adrien's temples and clung to his skin. The sunlight made the inside of his eyelids shine a bright orange, which then sank into a pulsating blue - the blue of Val's light shimmering again as their night before. Adrien inhaled sharply. His thoughts lingered in his hands, demanding attention, too great to allow themselves to be concealed.
He opened his eyes. Val stared back at him - his head slightly tilted, a soft expression in his eyes. "Are you having trouble?", he whispered.
Adrien swallowed; he let a moment pass, then he nodded. "Yeah..."
A smile spread on Val's face. "Me too", he said, his eyes bright and sweet.
"I'm sorry. I...". Adrien lowered his head, trying to find the words he wanted to say; but his chaos wouldn't let him. He lifted his head and looked at Val. "What should I do?".
There had been a faint crack in Adrien's voice; Val's eyes took a startled expression for an instant, then they were calm again. "We don't have to do this today", he answered, his voice low. He caressed his own hands as he sat there, their glow slowly rising and ebbing; several times he lowered his lashes, until his lips formed into a smile. "Today, you should do what you truly want". His eyes had been so dark as he spoke, and the way he had said those words made Adrien's ears buzz. "And so should I", he added in a low voice, lowering his head. "No more secrets. No more hiding. No more". When he lifted his head, there were tears in his eyes.
Adrien moved to Val's side and offered him a shoulder. Val rested his head against him as he cried - these were the same tears that Adrien had shed earlier that morning: tears of unspeakable relief and release, the tears of snow melting after such a long winter. Adrien held him close, his hands onto Val's shoulders; he caressed him gently - to soothe him and to let him share his pain. "It's alright, it's alright", he whispered to his ear. "We will be alright".
Val swallowed; he breathed in, then a smile appeared in his eyes. "Yes, we will be... we will be...". He huddled up onto Adrien again, his hands against his chest; and Adrien smiled as he embraced him. "We will be alright. I have no more secrets for you", Val said, his voice and his face still ruffled by the tears, yet thoroughly serene. "Today, I am here... I am here with all of myself".
Adrien held him tighter, as close as he could; and although his skin was burning and his stomach was cramping from the intensity of his emotions, his hands were sure as they ran on Val's back, his arms steady as he wrapped him. Every time he reached for Val's hands, the blue lines that marked them would shine brighter for him. Adrien moved his head towards Val's face; he lingered, then leaned forwards to kiss him on the cheek. They sat in shared silence for a while; then, Val sighed in sorrow.
"I've kept too many secrets from you", he whispered. "I am sorry".
Adrien said nothing; he looked past Val's shoulder, staring at the barren wall until his vision became frazzled. "No, you had your reasons... I know you couldn't tell me".
"Yes, but you deserved to know. You always understand...".
"No -- you -- you can only say that you were right to trust... you can only know that for sure after you've opened yourself to pain", Adrien slowly said, still staring into nothing. Then a stabbing pang made its way through his chest and forced his eyes to focus again: "And it's not like I haven't failed you as well".
"But, ultimately, you have always understood", Val said. "I should have told you...".
"I didn't tell you, either", Adrien said. "And then I -- I did what I did".
"You had your reasons, too".
"Did I really?", Adrien said. "I've been horribly selfish. I summoned you like... like a thing, just to satisfy myself. I hurt you. I debased us both. I made a huge mistake...".
"If you hadn't summoned me, we wouldn't be here now. It was your huge mistake which led us here". Val smiled; he touched Adrien's chest with his forehead. "What is important is that we made it here... and we have found each other, at last".
Outside, the clear sky shimmered through the leaves of the trees; the wind that swayed them hummed past the windowpane. On the floor, Val whispered in Adrien's ear: "I love you", he said. The words illuminated Adrien's whole being. He felt their echo within him; he breathed them in; and when they had filled him, he could finally reply: "Val, I love you too. I love you".
Each encircled by the other's arms, they were safe to let go - for each to see the other's tears, to understand them, and to soothe them at long last. Adrien closed his eyes. For so long he'd thought his suffering was his and his alone - never looking outside of himself, never realizing that the person that stood in front of him guarded a love of his own; for so long he'd walled words within, repeated them in his labyrinth of mirrors, and failed to understand that the words he thought his own had been trapped within Val's throat, too. He thought that a demon could not, would not wish for love - as if only humans had hearts that could ache and burn; but all that is alive wants and needs and knows pain. And as much as each had been trying to hide, all had come to spill at long last. In spite of it all, Val's love hadn't been a tightly guarded secret: it had always been in plain sight, woven into the kindness of his words and the brightness of his smiles. It had already found its way through; now it was spreading its wings and clothing itself with a new name. And neither could yet understand what was that hid into this word, the nature of its mystery held within its fragile veils - but each now lived to uncover its meaning.